Sunday, December 28, 2014

100th POST: No-Body in the car trunk

He paced in the parking lot, panicked, wiping continuous drops of sweat off his forehead, jolted by what just happened.

Every day he would come home at this hour, park his car, call his mom, and have his dinner in solitude, all in that order. But tonight he had two bland spots of blood on his car’s rear end, distorted curved doodles of thick red lines on the sides, a machete in the passenger seat and a cadaver in the trunk.

Victor wouldn't have done this, had his boss been any nicer. But he wasn't, not even today, when victor stopped him at the highway with the intentions of pulling a threat on him at first and if it did not work out then hurting him, mildly and if that did not work out then inducing fear with a rusted machete. That was the only weapon he had, easier to buy and easier to hide, not everywhere but at least in a sedan.

Fifteen minutes of wiping his car sincerely like Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction, he realized, a dead man in his car was significantly a bigger problem in comparison to the blood marks on his windshields.

‘Plastic wraps or garbage bags? Duct tapes or ropes? Or maybe just burn the damn thing in the oven, slicing him in pieces and later feed him to vultures?’Too many wild ideas and yet no answers, Victor had lost it, his feet trembled and he gulped his saliva way too many times within a minute.

‘Maybe I should throw him in the river. Damn it! Why did it not strike me before? I might as well wash my car while I am at it’, too easy it all sounded to him.

‘But before that, let me just assure that the blood isn't dripping out of the trunk and leaving trace marks all over.’

With trembling hands he opened the trunk, tilting his head forty something degrees to sneak a look at his boss’s dead body.It was too dark inside, lights in the parking lot were cut-out and a corner parking spot did not help either, nothing could be seen. He opened it further, still nothing, then he opened it wide, all the way up, exposing everything that he possibly had hidden inside.  
He was gone, the body was gone.

But In the background, there was a sharp noise, of a metal striking against the cemented floor, probably a machete being dragged and then there was a mild tap on Victor’s neck. 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Stupid Issac Newton and Alternate History

A final year student from Cambridge, took his afternoon nap on a Wednesday, in a garden full of apple trees in the mid sixteen hundreds. It was dull, gloomy but a warm afternoon, unlike every other day in England. The birds chirped little, the sky was blue and clear and the silence of the trees had put him to a deep quiet slumber.

Soon, a tiny insect crawling on the grass, entered his curly hair and lost its way, but Issac did not move a muscle. He was sleeping like a log; it had been a rather long day for him. He snored loudly and dreamt of failing his final dissertation. He of course, was not the smartest guy in the class and had a reputation for failing subjects twice as much as the other low graders did. Some of his classmates even joked that Issac had less than an IQ.

The stress of finding a prolific Science topic had taken a toll on him to an extent, that he dreamt of constellations, planetary motions and unknown forces of the universe.

Science had not made any significant progress so far, and if it had, then Issac was far away from the facts and it clearly reflected in his thoughts and approaches.

After a long and a powerful siesta, he abruptly woke up from the sleep and sat straight; something had hit him. Something, not too heavy but heavy enough to destroy his dreams. He touched his nose; it had started bleeding. It was an apple.

Apparently, the apple had not fallen far from the tree, but right on his nose. He touched his face, the blood trickled down from his nose to his lips. Then, he ran his tongue on his upper lip, just to be assured.

Least bothered with a broken nose and shattered dreams, he looked at the sky. It had turned dark. Issac had slept more than he had planned for, but he couldn't blame the weather. It had been a beautiful day, and now it was a beautiful evening.

It was a full moon. Issac sat there under the open sky for a while contemplating his next move. He barely had any. Then he gazed at the the moon, it appeared brighter, bigger and closer than ever. Almost as if someone, with long arms could play with it.

Suddenly, a brilliant idea struck him and he asked himself the most remarkable question one had asked in the history of human evolution.

"If the apple falls, does the moon also fall?"

A moment after, he sniggered hysterically like a lunatic at his stupidity, then he grabbed the apple, dusted it with his trench overcoat and took a bite.  

Monday, September 22, 2014

Pickle Jar

Douglas Adams once said, ‘Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so’. I do not disagree with him. It’s been ten years, but only on the calendars. In my head, it’s as if it was just yesterday...

...It was the summer of 2004; bright, sunny and soothing. The time of the year when the community parks are crowded. When the barbeque grill owners make more than the usual. When the girls wear floral dresses or barely anything. When the world is a happier place and beer is the most preferred drink. The kind of English weather that is often considered a myth. 

That day, I was walking my dog to the City Central park, the closest park from my house in the late afternoon.  Unlike humans, dogs do not care about the time of the year or maybe they do. I can’t tell.

Sensing the dog wanted to have a little playful time, I took out the plastic bone from my pocket and threw it in the air. The dog by his very nature, ran after it and brought it back to me. I repeated it; once, twice, thrice. Until I threw it far away and it dropped inside a shiny object.

The dog ran after it, but he didn't return soon. I noticed his disturbing body language from far.  His head was stuck in a jar. A pickle jar. Seeing him grapple I ran up to him and saw him scuffling with himself. As if he was being dragged to death by something unknown. I wouldn't deny the fact that it did tickle me a little. Yes I am a horrible person at times. When push come to shove, I tried pulling the jar, but he panted and I couldn't bear it. Five minutes of struggle and no results almost made me give up.

The next moment, I saw a fine lady picking the dog up and rushing towards the north.I followed her without questioning her intentions. Obviously a dog stealer doesn't like a dog with a pickle jar stuck to his head and an impatient owner right behind her. She rushed to the nearest vet and got him rescued just before he was about to die. I was ashamed, that it didn't occur to me first. 

It’s been ten years. The dog is no more, but I am married to the rescuer. 

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Black Cat - The Witch's Familiar and Her Rant

I see her from the corner of my cornea. I see her devour the fresh lamb meat,  like a gourmand unleashing her appetite after years of starvation.

I look at my bowl, I am being fed hash. That's what I am usually served. I look at the other inmates; the owl, the rabbit and the rottweiler; we all are being ill-treated. But to my surprise, they seem to enjoy it. Obviously they have issues. I on the other hand have a severe distaste for non-recognition and ill-treatment. Nevertheless, I must hog on fresh food in her absence and sneak protein bars from time to time to gain strength. 

The aspiration of escaping this dungeon is the only hope that drags me through most of my days. I sit quietly in the corner making plans and analysing the execution pitfalls. I see the inmates and the black hooded lady with fake nails seeking sadistic pleasures in my quietness. 

I also try showcasing my power almost on a daily basis. Yesterday in an attempt to strike fear in her, I dropped a decapitated lizard's body in her soup bowl. In my anticipation it clearly showed what I am dangerously capable of. But in hindsight, it was a mere attempt from my side that escalated as her dinner table trivia. And to top it all, her other witch friends, only made some condescending remarks on my capability to scare a grown ass human being. 

Today, she's having an assembly in a closed room with her comrade. I am locked out of it, despite the fact that I will invariably be the center of  attraction in her upcoming events second to none. I am treated as the bad omen by the society. But being treated the same way by the other animals, is a tad too much to live with. I am done with this bullshit. I am going to end it very soon.

As the time is approaching nearer, the night when she does her belly dancing around the human skulls, I shall put my plans in to action. I must gain back my gifted superpower to scare other human beings, who in turn would try to kill the witch first for owning me. Then they would definitely try to harm me too, but then their own species would guard me. I have PETA to back me the fuck up. Yes I do watch news on a daily basis. 

But if that plan fails, then the same night I shall put my plan B in to action. With all the fair intentions of vengeance, I would weave around her feet. But only this time I will do it on top of the stairs when she isn't looking. 

Sunday, September 7, 2014

A Tiny Tale

Tilted head, tattered clothes, gloomy eyes, amputated right leg and restless hands; I saw him counting coins, from the other side of the road.

"Poor soul", I thought.

As I crossed the road, with hands deep in my pocket, searching for more coins to add to his broken plastic cup; I saw he did not count coins.

Those were war medals.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Six Word Stories

Inspired by Six Word Stories, I have written 10 six word stories below:

1. "Shaped like humans", said the clouds 

2. I know you from my dreams

3. He hit send, then a tree

4. Devil to Angel: Go to Hell

5. Let's be friends, says his girlfriend 

6. "You look familiar", said the soulmate

7. He sees reality, he is blind

8. "I look great", the mirror smiled

9.  Lights! Camera! Action! Let's act dumb

10. I am dead. I am home

Friday, May 16, 2014

The AAPsolute Defeat

If this was just any other day in the history of Indian democracy, I wouldn’t have voiced my opinions about a national revolutionary political party that is so stringently pro anti-incumbency (oxymoron eh?) and anti-corruption that it made the ‘consummate governance’ the holy grail of Indian politics and anything short of the very idea, an absolute crime!

Before this day, I always restricted voicing my thoughts about them, fearing it would mistranslate into something as judgmental as their own sanctimonious rigid ideology that is quite often backed by mere helplessness and accuses. Before this day, any piece of write-up like this would’ve made me sound like a devil’s advocate with no evidence.

But today is the day when someone like me should speak, coz the nation already has and by that I don’t mean you’re in for a Modi clan triumph. This rant (if you will) is against a self-righteous bunch of activists who grabbed the nation’s (or at least the urban crowd’s) attention in a jiffy from the revolutionary movements a couple of years ago against corruption. But in the hindsight, they were not more than mere mobocratic leaders backed up with paid social media hooligans sh*ting all over your timeline much before the major parties even conceived their stands for this year. This of course excludes the blinded elite class who could actually be reading this and shaking their heads in denial. 

They went head first, from agendas of corruption at all scales to issues of border terrorism, to local prostitutions biased by racial indiscrimination. They accused the leaders, blamed the system (while mocking it), created the gigantic emotional buzz in the capital and assumed that it has spread over the entire nation. They promised you your bare necessities, your additional necessities, then the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and the entire fuc*ing milkyway, while milking their every move through the visual, print and the social media. They got instant success at a pace in the state election that they self-proclaimed themselves as the juggernauts of the national elections even before it started.

They formed the government in Delhi (minus the accountability). But they changed their statements and ideologies faster than Lady GaGa changes her hairdo. They went back on their promises shamelessly more number of times than any Internet explorer user ever has through its back button. They threw away the power given to them to gain more power through street protests, through one-sided forceful press allegations, through gullible intellectuals and some fuc*ing annoying group of pseudo-intellectuals that I did not even know existed in every vicinity I have been a part of.

Why am I a tad offensive? Coz I had never seen a bunch of activists play around with democracy on the name of radical overhaul for transforming the contemporary regulatory framework. I had never seen intellectual bubbleheads turn in to chaotic ass*oles on the name of patriotic responsibilities. I had never seen such a rage among genuine souls trying to make this nation a better place under the leadership of a self-centered, fickle- headed misleading chicken of a man who was all talks and no actions. Their gimmicks did not pay off, unlike others; they couldn’t eat off other’s sobriety. I am glad they fell flat on their faces and so did those who did not learn what they were up to even after repeated obvious set-backs on the name of reformation. 

Now, I am glad, probably my timeline wouldn’t look like a place that’s having a clash of intellectual high moral titans anymore. I am glad, there will be no helplessness driven volunteers trying to make so much sense that they end up making no sense at all. I am glad this mentality of “You are wrong, if you’re against us” dies with the verdict and if it still doesn’t then, they surely would be the last comic standing! 

Thursday, January 9, 2014

My Eminem's RAP God Cover

Not everyday you feel like recording something and uploading it on YouTube but then this one was long overdue. A cover of a song. No wait...Not just A song but a song that is probably one of the most critically acclaimed but controversial songs of the recent times. This song from Eminem's new Album 'Marshall Mathers LP 2' is an absolute fire with 1536 words in 6.03 minutes averaging 4.231 words a second. The part from 04:27 to 04.39 seconds has about 102 words in 13 seconds averaging 7.84 words a second.

It's not just the speed that is impressive in the actual record but the double entendres, wordplay, punchlines and tongue twisting multi-syllable rhymes that are highly difficult to comprehend or even read off a paper. This is one gem of a song, else why would he name it "RAP GOD"  If you want to go in depth and understand what each of these lines mean and why are there are certain references made with celebrities or past events, you can simply click here and find out. 

But for now you could see me making an attempt at it. Although people seem to like this, I know I am not even close to the actual record and can never be..But I have just tried being honest about it. 

Follow lyrics given below of this 6 minutes of non-stop awesomeness for a better understanding of the words:

Look, I was gonna go easy on you not to hurt your feelings
But I'm only going to get this one chance
(Six minutes, six minutes)
Something's wrong, I can feel it
(Six minutes, six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on)
Just a feeling I've got
Like something's about to happen
But I don't know what
If that means, what I think it means, we're in trouble
Big trouble – and if he is as bananas as you say
I'm not taking any chances
You were just what the doctor ordered

I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
Now who thinks their arms are long enough to slapbox, slapbox?
They said I rap like a robot, so call me Rapbot

[Verse 1:]
But for me to rap like a computer must be in my genes
I got a laptop in my back pocket
My pen'll go off when I half-cock it
Got a fat knot from that rap profit
Made a living and a killing off it
Ever since Bill Clinton was still in office
With Monica Lewinsky feeling on his nut-sack
I'm an MC still as honest
But as rude and as indecent as all hell
Syllables, skill-a-holic (Kill 'em all with)
This flippity, dippity-hippity hip-hop
You don't really wanna get into a pissing match
With this rappity-rap
Packing a mack in the back of the Ac
backpack rap, crap, yap-yap, yackety-yack
and at the exact same time
I attempt these lyrical acrobat stunts while I'm practicing that
I'll still be able to break a motherfuckin' table
Over the back of a couple of faggots and crack it in half
Only realized it was ironic
I was signed to Aftermath after the fact
How could I not blow? All I do is drop F-bombs
Feel my wrath of attack
Rappers are having a rough time period
Here's a maxipad
It's actually disastrously bad
For the wack while I'm masterfully constructing this masterpiece yeah

Cause I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
Now who thinks their arms are long enough to slapbox, slapbox?
Let me show you maintaining this shit ain't that hard, that hard

[Verse 2:]
Everybody want the key and the secret to rap
Immortality like I have got
Well, to be truthful the blueprint's
Simply rage and youthful exuberance
Everybody loves to root for a nuisance
Hit the earth like an asteroid
Did nothing but shoot for the moon since (PEEYOOM)
MC's get taken to school with this music
Cause I use it as a vehicle to 'bus the rhyme'
Now I lead a new school full of students
Me? I'm a product of Rakim
Lakim Shabazz, 2Pac, N-W-A., Cube, hey, Doc, Ren
Yella, Eazy, thank you, they got Slim
Inspired enough to one day grow up
Blow up and be in a position
To meet Run DMC and induct them
Into the motherfuckin' Rock n'
Roll Hall of Fame even though I walk in the church
And burst in a ball of flames
Only Hall of Fame I be inducted in is the alcohol of fame
On the wall of shame
You fags think it's all a game
'Til I walk a flock of flames
Off a plank and
Tell me what in the fuck are you thinking?
Little gay looking boy
So gay I can barely say it with a straight face looking boy
You're witnessing a massacre like you're watching a church gathering
And take place looking boy
Oy vey, that boy's gay
That's all they say looking boy
You get a thumbs up, pat on the back
And a way to go from your label everyday looking boy
Hey, looking boy, what you say looking boy?
I got a "hell yeah" from Dre looking boy
I'mma work for everything I have
Never ask nobody for shit
Get outta my face looking boy
Basically boy you're never gonna be capable
To keep it up with the same pace looking boy, cause

I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
The way I'm racing around the track, call me Nascar, Nascar
Dale Earnhardt of the trailer park, the White Trash God
Kneel before General Zod this planet's Krypton, no Asgard, Asgard

[Verse 3:]
So you'll be Thor and I'll be Odin
You rodent, I'm omnipotent
Let off then I'm reloading
Immediately with these bombs I'm totin'
And I should not be woken
I'm the walking dead
But I'm just a talking head, a zombie floating
But I got your mom deep throating
I'm out my Ramen Noodle
We have nothing in common, poodle
I'm a Doberman, pinch yourself
In the arm and pay homage, pupil
It's me
My honesty's brutal
But it's honestly futile if I don't utilize
What I do though for good
At least once in a while so I wanna make sure
Somewhere in this chicken scratch I scribble and doodle
Enough rhymes to
Maybe try to help get some people through tough times
But I gotta keep a few punchlines
Just in case cause even you unsigned
Rappers are hungry looking at me like it's lunchtime
I know there was a time where once I
Was king of the underground
But I still rap like I'm on my Pharoahe Monch grind
So I crunch rhymes
But sometimes when you combine
Appeal with the skin color of mine
You get too big and here they come trying to
Censor you like that one line I said
On "I'm Back" from the Mathers LP
One when I tried to say I'll take seven kids from Columbine
Put 'em all in a line
Add an AK-47, a revolver and a nine
See if I get away with it now
That I ain't as big as I was, but I've
Morphin' into an immortal coming through the portal
You're stuck in a timewarp from two thousand four though
And I don't know what the fuck that you rhyme for
You're pointless as Rapunzel
With fucking cornrows
You're write normal, fuck being normal
And I just bought a new Raygun from the future
Just to come and shoot ya
Like when Fabolous made Ray J mad
Cause Fab said he looked like a fag
At Maywhether's pad singin' to a man
While they played piano
Man, oh man, that was a 24/7 special
On the cable channel
So Ray J went straight to the radio station the very next day
"Hey, Fab, I'mma kill you"
Lyrics coming at you at supersonic speed, (JJ Fad)
Uh, summa lumma dooma lumma you assuming I'm a human
What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman
Innovative and I'm made of rubber, so that anything you say is
Ricocheting off of me and it'll glue to you
And I'm devastating more than ever demonstrating
How to give a motherfuckin' audience a feeling like it's levitating
Never fading, and I know that haters are forever waiting
For the day that they can say I fell off, they'd be celebrating
Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated
I make elevating music
You make elevator music
Oh, he's too mainstream
Well, that's what they do
When they get jealous, they confuse it
It's not hip hop, it's pop
Cause I found a hella way to fuse it
With rock, shock rap with Doc
Throw on Lose Yourself and make 'em lose it
I don't know how to make songs like that
I don't know what words to use
Let me know when it occurs to you
While I'm ripping any one of these verses that versus you
It's curtains, I'm inadvertently hurtin' you
How many verses I gotta murder to
Prove that if you were half as nice,
your songs you could sacrifice virgins to
School flunkie, pill junky
But look at the accolades these skills brung me
Full of myself, but still hungry
I bully myself cause I make me do what I put my mind to
When I'm a million leagues above you
Ill when I speak in tongues
But it's still tongue-in-cheek, fuck you
I'm drunk so Satan take the fucking wheel
I'm asleep in the front seat
Bumping Heavy D and the Boys
Still chunky, but funky
But in my head there's something
I can feel tugging and struggling
Angels fight with devils and
Here's what they want from me
They're asking me to eliminate some of the women hate
But if you take into consideration the bitter hatred that I had
Then you may be a little patient and more sympathetic to the situation
And understand the discrimination
But fuck it
Life's handing you lemons
Make lemonade then
But if I can't batter the women
How the fuck am I supposed to bake them a cake then?
Don't mistake it for Satan
It's a fatal mistake if you think I need to be overseas
And take a vacation to trip a broad
And make her fall on her face and
Don't be a retard, be a king?
Think not