Saturday, August 22, 2009

DAMN-Burger !

Shit, that meal was bad, I should have eaten something else, I mean anything that looked and tasted better than a khichdi prototype.My canteen has burgers and hot dogs, I should try that out tomorrow.Wait a minute I am hungry today, why should I wait till tomorrow. I will have something now,nice & sumptuous.

But what? Junk food ?

Ah ! I have vomited a few times after having it. I don't want to experience it again, I still have the last time's horrible experience imprinted in my neurons. But who cares? let's have a burger. He thought as he walked all sweaty and hungry plugged and lost in the numbers of his own world.

owww here comes the famous bakery, Let's agog the rascal, Appetite! he triumphed. "Gimme one Burger and a coke", he ordered."Sure sir, wait for 5 minutes", bakery guy replied. Ok, I will check out the crowd in between, he thought. He looked around & saw all families, tiny - twinies, a few wannabes and one good looking girl alone, texting on her celphone. Kewl, I should sit next to her table, he smirked.

"Here is your burger, and your coke sir" waiter said intervening his covert inspection."Thank you" came as the reply.

OMG ! what is this ? do i resemble an extinct giant mammoth? Look at the size of the burger. He was apprehensive by now. The girl after gazing for more than 5 mins at her celphone looked up, as waiter came up with her hot dog and coke. She thanked the waiter and looked at the guy. He also looked at her but then came back to 'staring at the burger routine' which he had acquired about a minute ago. Took a sip of coke and looked at her, she looked at me again, he thought. Once, twice, thrice, four times....10 times. Man she is staring at me ! What is her problem? I am not game with it, let it backfire on her,after all she started it, letz stare back. He gazed at her for 3 seconds, she probably realized the intentions and went back to her hot-dog basics. The poker face was minding her business till the time, He did not start eating his elephant size burger.

He took the biggest bite ever, such that his jaws got in to the cranky zone. Damn! it's hot, and now the cheese is coming out, ohh crap ! I got a lil of the sauce on my nose, I look like a clown, wherez the paper tissue? Bastards haven't given any ! Lemme get some , I am sure i will be requiring a dozen of them. He calculated and rushed to the counter to get the paper tissues, hiding his nose. As soon as he came back to his table the girl was laughing. Wow, god couldn't have fixed any incident worse than this to showcase that she is not a pokerface, he sulked. I will get my chance too, let her eat,I am all ready, he waited her to mess up her junk. She gradually unwrapped the hot dog and took a small bite, without making any mistake.

"Ohh snap ! hot-dog obviously has a smaller diameter than the burger, she cannot make any mistake unless she is an alien or someone from somalia.
SMART BITCH." He judged.

He was volatile by now, kept sipping his coke to fill the silence. It had never happened before. I hate anyone watching me when I eat, specially girls. Why did i take a table opposite to her? why the heck they don't make human size burgers? What she would be thinking by now? Ohh crap Still half of the burger is left and it resembles, India's map with so many union territory states lying far from the major states on the either sides. This moment has seized I should go else I will faint or she should go else she will faint coz the way I am eating. Several thoughts ran in his mind. Just to kill the time he plugged himself back to the ipod. ewww ! Kambhqt Ishq songs. Changed the numbers quickly.

He was all set for the second bite and took it, this time it was less disastrous. only a little portion of his cheek was painted this time. The girl, gave him, "It happens" kind of look and he shrugged.

He finished this disastrous damburger and gave, "I suck" kind of weird smile to the girl, and the girl gave him, "I guess you do" kind of smile back, or at least he thought so.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Hyderabadi Hindi Aisaich boltey !

I promised in the last post, that I will be writing about Hyderabad's peculiar Hindi-Urdu mixed accent, so here I am with 10 awesomely-fantastically-mindbogglingly-hilarious-random sentences that I have come across so far :)

1. chhota tha dus wali leta tha, ab zara bada hua toh 20 wali le raa hun, aur zara bada hua toh tees wali leta hun, paanch rupaye mein shakkar bhi nai aati, shakkar ko chinti khaati, chinti ko maachar khata, machhar ko zhingur khata, zhingur ko chiplak (lizard) khati, chiplak ko chuha khata, chuha ko billi khati, billi ko kutta khata, hum sher hai, acche acche khane kha liye dakkar nai liye. Aaadha hyderbad baap bolta, kal se tum bhi yahich bolna.

2. Arey tu mazak nakho kar re bhai, mazak toh meri galli ka Razak karta.

3. 9 mahine se zayda amma pet mein nahi rakhi toh inlogaan khaahan se rakhengey boltun.

4. chhota tha ankkhiyaan nikal k ante khelta tha, zara bada hua toh ankhiyan nikal k gotiyan khelta hun, aur zara bada hua toh ankhiyan nikal k chharrey khelta hun. bachpan se anntey, gotiyan,chharey sabhi khel lete yaaron apan. Sale tumhari halat dekho, tumko maare toh inlogan hanstey, mere pe.

5. arey tumko nai malum, apan duniya k pappa hain, sale galiyon mein ghusney nahi detun, khali pahadaaan bataye toh. Sale yeh cheap category k local basti k secret logan hain. Chindi choran hain.

6. Hum Shanwaz hain, koi laundey pottey nahi hai, koi rumal nai hain jo haath poch k pocket mein daal liye.

7. Arey tu laaal wali Mercedez bhijaa nahko re baba, tu safed wali bhija re, mereko kaaamaan (
work) hain bahut kaamman hain.

8. Kal Krishna-Oberoi mein party thi, party mein jaatey he, samney se mallika mili, Murder yaaaaron, ....tabhi logaaan mereko dekh k bole, inhe angreezi filmon ka hero dikh ra nai?

9. Sale 25 saal se Chaarminar mein baitha hua hun, apni bhi izzat hai yaaron, logaan salam thok k jaatey, yeh sale angrezaan haath lagatey re mereko, Maa ki kirkiri.

10. Salman khan, Amir Khan, Sharukh Khan, Ayub Khan, Sanjay khan, Arbaaz Khan, Sohail Khan, Saif ali Khan sab logan humko Pyaar se Emraan Haashmi boltey, mere saath wale Pilot ko John boltey tereko kya boltey bol ?

Chiplak- Lizard
bolta- says
Amma- Mom
boltun- I say
ankhiyan- Eyes
Gotiyan/antey- Pebbles
inlogan-these guys
Chindi choran- Cheap thug
Pappa- Dady
poch-to rub
Maa ki kirkiri- A slang

P.S : The Picture is not a google image, I took it one morning ;)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

I beg your PURSE !

If I had a bank balance like, Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, then the very first thing which I would have done, was to give 80% of it to the Greedy Beggars (yes greedy not needy) of Hyderabad.

Hyderbad has the most number of beggars in India, and no I am not kidding. A survey result came up with this and I had read this news a year ago in T.O.I. Now, after that news I am pretty much sure that a few other aspiring souls forwarded their resume to 'The beggar association' and have successfully been recruited. The reason why I am saying this is because now every 3rd non-working person is either a 'beggar' or an 'engineer' or 'both' in hyderabad, it seems. The figures have increased drastically and dynamically within a year. Damn Recession !

Alright coming to the actual point, I am sick of every good looking & physically fit beggar, well versed with English,Hindi and Telgu. These guys posses 'ama-bloody-zingly' awesome talent to beg. Today I saw a guy in jeans and a shabby shirt asking for money in front of a bakery and People being kind, gave him some money. He waited for sometime and then with the 'speed of sound' (yes 'speed of light' is overrarted) went to the same bakery and ordered a burger.

Some of these guys even have their bank accounts in 'HSBC' and they are insured by 'ING Prostitute' as I see a lot of them standing and fagging in front of the respective buildings. If they come up to you and ask for money, you better give them at least Rs 10 note, else they will give you a $ 50 bill and you then will feel like a beggar. Sometimes It happens that I face the same beggar 10 times a day because they have their areas fixed. When they start begging in Hyderbadi-urdu-hindi mixed tone like this :

"kya kartey itta paisa le k, allah bhala karta humein khane k wastey diye toh. Haww miya, bheekh nahi maang rahe, do wakht ka khana maang raae...."

you feel like either giving him away whatever you ever had or put a KG of cotton in your both ears. Though I get fantasized by 'Hyderbadi-urdu-hindi' but listening it like this, sucks. I should probably be writing about such an accent in a seperate post.

Some beggars follow you up till eternity and I have seen them embarrassing 'Young girls' intentionally. The condition is so pathetic that you come out of your house and you will see a few of them standing irrespective of the what time it is, in front of your house. It's so unlike other cities where their population is restricted to Temples, Traffic lights and railway stations. The attitude they carry is 'Yo let's cut to chase, temme what big note you got and I am givin u the change u want". Man, After a few years a kindergarten scene will be like this;

Teacher : Bunty what do u want to become when you grow up ?

Bunty : Teacher, I want to become 'Pappu beekhaari', He is awesome. He works just in one shift, earns double the amount my dad earns and has all the rights in the world to assault young girls publicly unlike my dad.

I salute Madhur bhandarkar for showing the hidden truth in the movie traffic signal.

Begging plans anyone ?