Friday, June 26, 2009

I vs ME


I : Ha ! look at you and your mournful, disgusting, pretentious fucked up life.
ME: What ? I am just a little sad & It's a phase it will pass.

I: Really? Whom are you kidding? You know you are shattered and there are not even slight indications that you will bounce back.
ME: Of course there are, I have a purpose, else why I am alive?

I: Dude, Your spoon feeding phase has passed long back, look around, pinch yourself harder, and if you can't guzzle down the reality then just get a gun or a broken glass or something and finish the journey.
ME: Wtf ? don't I get any credit points for my drudgery or achievements ?

I: Drudgery? Yea that sounds so unlike you, you are a lazy bum waiting for the things to happen on their own, while you indulge yourself in superficial pleasures.
ME: Okay, may be you are right, but I have been kind and nice to some people in the world, doesn't that count.

I: You think ?LOL, you made me laugh, what is up with you?
ME: All right, so you mean I should be a selfish soul henceforth.

I: Eh? I think you already are, somehow, somewhere aren't you?
ME : May be, but then that's because of you and your evil side, I keep blabbering all the time in my poems, in fact I wrote one goddamn poem for it.

I: Ohh! don't treat me like a backpacking, cyphering, cribbing devil. If you have issues, then why don't you overcome it instead of breaking your own head along with mine over this.
ME: I tried but with every step I took it became more complex the problem is perpetual or may be it balances you and me.

I: So now what? will you be like an ordinary, ambition less, crawling insect along with zillions of people out there? You had a dream, a dream to make it big right? Or something similar I heard.
ME: I still have, and will you please stop questioning me this, I am already dead and tired seeking the answers.

I: Opsssss Sorry ! I think i hit the head on the nail, Yea a massive hit indeed!! Look at you, will you sob now? I want to see how boys cry?
ME: Yes, May be, alone, sometime !

I: Will you put the blame on your family members and friends?
ME: No, why should I? They are great, they will always be, I suck, No wait ....You suck.

I: Owww !! Do you see the light at the end and a tunnel broken midway ?
ME: I Don't believe in seeing anymore, I believe in doing.

I: YO ! Mission accomplished.
ME: what ? what did you say ?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Mixed bag !

When you are bored and bored and yes Bored then you type rubbish, iterating one particular word. Ohh!! I think I did something like that just now. Ok, cut the crap ! I am bored (damn, again the same word !) to the core. As a result I had a hair cut.yes that's lame, I know but I couldn't think of anything better. So they gave me a ceaser cut, with more defined front hairlines and intact sideburns,basically a low-care contemporary look. After the cut, It so happened that whoever saw it, either said I look like an idiot (as if idiots have a particular hair style) or I look like a kid of 8th standard. But I have my own laws:

Peter's First Law: 90 Percent of the people ridicule your hair cut the very first day.

Peter's Second Law: 70 Percent of them start liking it after a week or so.

Peter's Third Law: At least 90 percent of those who liked it, go to the same saloon to have an exact cut after 10 days and give you no credit at all.

I know after reading this, people would either say,

"Hey upload a pic of your new look, LOL"
or
"Ha ha ha,I agree/disgaree with your laws, but I want to see what's the fuss about."

So for all you excited straight people and Karan Johars, here are my BEFORE and AFTER hair cut pics, uploaded on Photo-balti. You can see it, ridicule it and have the same cut, but do gimme the credit and Female bloggers if you like Barkha Dutt, you can try it too.

2 AQ and 8 AC series of Rs1000 are not accepted these days. Many people don't know this,specially Forgeiners. So a french couple at CCD, after gulping a gallon of coffee, as if, had it for the first time, gave a Rs 1000 note of '2 AQ' series. But CCD boys did not accept it, and could not explain the reason either. So they turned up to me and asked in English and French combined, that I would rather call as 'ENGLICH' or Shiney Ahuja can call it
'BAI-LINGUAL' conversation.

"Bonjur, Your countaree notee, 1000, they not take,why ?"
I said "yeah there is some problem, even banks are rejecting such notes"

Then they uttered something in French, probably,some maa bahen gaalis to our gov Or something About my hair cut. Damn! I am too apprehensive.

Je veux apprendre le francais :(

Replying to the comments have become a tedious job, after every two seconds, a messege pops up, saying: "jCarousel: No width/height set for items. This will cause an infinite loop. Aborting..." on opening any pop-up window, Don't think I am not commenting intentionally. I will fix this problem soon, I just bought a Fevi-quick for this (can you crack a better PJ?)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Despos !

No this Post has nothing to do with 'Shiney The BAI-SEXUAL Ahuja', It's all about the despos with slurping moves and drooling eyes breathing around us. It includes females too,yes I believe in equality. I have seen girls complaining, that how they get pissed off even when a guy as Docile as 'Virendra Shewag' (who only listens to his mother), said "Hii" to them. However they don't mind a Desi wannabe Ricky Martin Singing "I am the desperado, underneath your window" for them. Some real Despos belong to these following categories.



THE TECHIES: Those who use these social networking sites, as their sex pistols errrrrr weapons to verbally and mildly seduce the opposite genders, even when their bases indicate 180 Degrees alignment and several KMs of distinction,if a print out of the google map is taken and analysed. If I have to stake my money I would stake it on India winning EPL or Tushar Kapoor getting an Oscar award but I won't stake it on their rendezvous. But still they don't mind sticking their two Pennies everywhere. 'Love ya', 'Miss ya', 'Fuck ya', 'Suck ya' are the common mushy phrases ranging from mean to extremes (both the extremes I mean), and I have my aversion for the words 'Shona' and 'Baby'. Babies are not allowed on these sites and Babies don't know how to type, *Period*. I also hate the the excess 'hugg'ing and 'aww'ing factors.

The dudes and dudettes, Put the half naked pics of all the models killing the costume-suspense, and the quotes which they copy from some random sites, sometimes from our blogs, are the examples of some wannabe sex-o-holics, who may not even controll themselves while loosing their "I LOVE YOU-GINITY".

THE DESPERATE VAGABOUNDS: They are always in search of 'True-sex', and their 'soul sex-partners', from Malls to local buses and trains, and sometimes in those Red,blue,green light areas. Majority of 'Oblique people' those who don't satisfy Y=mX+C can be seen on these places. Alright, before you break your head or my head for the above line, Let me tell you that Abhinav Bhatt says "that anything that is not straight is oblique", and I know a little Co-odrinate geometry, and Y=mX+C is the equation of a straight line,where m is the slope,Y and X are variables, and C is a constant....Chiiiii chiii ...Joke ka essence chala jata hai explain karney se :(

THE MICHAEL JACKSONS : Nahi nahi, 'Micahel Jack' ka beta nahi, I am talking about the living prototype of the Human race evolution. They have the real interests for the babies, even 30 to 40 year old uncles with Don shades, and funky colored costumes, as if will they will really shake their ass like a belly dancer if they are asked to, go literally on their knees with or without their pants. They are not He-mans they are rather hymens, they just break and 'blood'y consequences follow up.

THE STRAIGHT FORWARDS: They get the guts to approach and assault the opposite genders, as if they are the real Stifflers inspired by American Pie series. These dudes and dudettes have an accent that works from Barahampur to Barbados and Korba to California. Sportsmen worship Shane Warn and other tatto lovers worship Tommy Lee. Girls having their hair coloured like a jinx of html color codes and guys having it spiked up from north pole to south pole, are the abundant types.


P.S : No offense to anyone who got a feeling that OMG ! I belong to so and so category, while reading this post :P

Thursday, June 11, 2009

^Dates !

I had my b'day with Angelina Jolie and Anil Ambani (the beauty and the billionaire) on 4th and I gave these kids a chance to cut the cake on my behalf, just coz the fact is that I don't really celebrate my birthday.Yea call it a typical Guy's attitude or an unwanted Rakhi Sawant types tantrum, but the fact remains that I never celebrated it, even though I got 22 chances so far. 4th June falls in summer vaccation if you belong to India,so never had to distribute chocolates/sweets in school and never had the whole assembly go literally ga ga over me. Same case in college, but for once I had it away from home coz I had my 1st internship running at that time.Fortunately or unfortunately I did not get the feel of chappals on my back and rotten eggs on my head. But I have beaten up other not-so-lucky-chaps with everything possible on their b'days even during the exams, and a few of them gave their exams standing, coz they had severe butt problems the very next day.

Now coming to the point, this year a lot of people wished me,but the coolest thing is that, I don't even talk to so many of them. They are just physically present and ignored in my friend list like Nagaland on Indian map. A lot of bloggers wished me too, A huge thanks to my Joint bloggers(Abhinav,Mads and Nidhi ) for putting up a special post for me, even though it was expected, but the song dedicated to me was innovative in caps lock. A big thank you, to Pink Orchid for wishing me on her blog, when she was feeling hot and thinking about me (she had 219.2 *F fever for all you dirty minds and 219.2*F = to 104 *C for all you arts students). So many bloggers wished me twice,thrice,messgd me, sent e-greetings, thanks to all of them, it will take another post if I write down all the names. Abhinav Made this header for me and I had to make a 'photo-balti' account just to upload this one, coz my blog template is rude to me, it doesn't allow so many things. Around 230 people wished me including "hey I forgot, belated happy birthday" wishes. Yes I counted the numbers, I was as jobless as Tushar Kapoor.

Recently I had the chance to go to tirupati and a few other famous places in South with my Family of course, as I am not a big fan of Temples, and religious places, I find sitting at home and praying better than standing in a Q and wondering "bhagwan mera number kab ayega?". Anyways after darshan and all I felt nice everywhere, and I don't complain anymore to my parents for dragging me all the way from Kolkata to A.P and T.N for it.

In Vellore I had a tragedy though, It was burning outside so I removed the lower half of my detachable Pant and at the time of checking I wasn't allowed since there is a rule that you can't go inside the temple in shorts,undies or naked for that matter. So they had another option ready for me, ready made traditional Lungis, ranging from 60 bucks to 600 bucks,I guess I wasn't the only one. So I tried my best possible face and looked up to my family members for mercy and to avoid any chance of being an example of a walking fashion disaster. I said I won't go inside but I was forced to wear that Lungi over my shorts and every time someone came closer to me, a fear insinuated that he will step on the edge of the lungi touching the ground & I will fall down or this Lungi thingy will get unfolded. I was feeling like "YAM YES DHONI from Chennai, all u fast bowlers rascalllannnnn, I have the bat, Do u have the ball?, mindhhhh ithhhh !" types. Everyone wanted to have a snap with/of me but thank god ! They don't even allow cameras/celphones inside the Temple, and I removed it the moment I stepped my right foot outside the temple gate and still my whole body was inside the premises.I was damn FAST but not GORGEOUS at all.I guess this was the first and surely for the last time I was wrapping anything around my waist other than a towel or anything that remotely resembles a lungi.

My trip has not ended, still I have to visit a few places in South with my Family of course. So once I am done with my Roaming I will be regular again.With my life's uncertainities and college life getting over I have all the time in the world from next week :)