Thursday, December 31, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
It's your mess,I won't clean it up,no I won't even dare,
I redeem you, yeah may be I am a little sick.
I am sick of these games, don't play it anymore for god's sake,
The lights turn out & I am over like a one night show,
Ain't it funny for you? but for me it's no-fun,
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Now Don't confuse, let's just trade shoes,
Feel how I felt, and see how I dealt,
all this while, with a fake smile,
See how I am on hold, since I just told,
you everything, that I had within,
every single line, that was on my mind,
since so many years, I was hiding tears,
It was never your loss, but I was always on a toss,
this both sided game, only had my name,
and a mere hope, that I would not get any shock,
rather a surprise, & this time the Sun would rise,
from the west, and god would be at his miraculous best,
or else I am just doomed, sulking in a silent room,
not even jealous, but cursing all fellas,
for making me do this, and hope for the bliss,
though they are all right, still I can't just fight,
this battle alone tonight, I need someone by my side,
till I am done with my life, and get customized,
with a new skin, and a soul that would grin,
for no reason, and for every season,
now you know what I mean, as I put this clean,
In front of you, I am all very true,
and it's not a myth, that a confession's death
is a major death, for that one pure faith.
Monday, October 26, 2009
1. Did you ever turn the shower knob instead of the Tap Knob and got wet?
2. Did you ever shout, while listening to some song using your headphone/earphone, and you realized some 10 odd people are staring at you ?
3. Did some XYZ ever wave at you and you gave a friendly smile and greeted him back, but as soon as he left, you asked your friends, "yeh kaun tha be ?"
4. Did you ever, wake up in the dusk confusing it with the dawn and started getting dressed up for your school/work ?
5. Have you ever smiled at someone, who you thought knows you very well and he/she did not smile back, coz it was crowded and he/she was looking at someone hot and obviously of the opposite gender standing beside you ?
6. Did you, ever throw the chocolate in to the dustbin instead of the wrappers? and it goes worse when you throw the lighter away instead of the bomb ?
7. Did you try writing down something using a pen upside down ?
8. Did you laugh out loud remembering something, in a class/meeting when others are busy sweating their brain out?
9. Did you ever, ignore someone's effort to make a handshake unintentionally and after two seconds you realized it, just by looking at his/her embarrassed face?
10. Did you call someone on his mobile and started talking about all the alien topics to him in the world and suddenly you realized that, he is someone of the same name but not the one you wanted to call ?
11. Did you ever type your Password instead of your Username,when 2 people were staring at your computer screen?
12. Did you ever miscalculate the number of steps while using a staircase and gave yourself an unbalanced and shocking time?
13. Did you ever kick your enemies in your nightmares and someone (sharing your bed) really started crying, coz you did kick him somewhere, you shouldn't have.
14. Did you ever taste shaving cream and did you ever rub toothpaste on your face ?
15. Did you ever feel embarrassed after you shouted your friend's surname by which you always address him and suddenly his father, elder brother, mom and who else not, responded in chorus?
16. Did you ever abuse someone, thinking he is your best friend when he closes your eyes and later he regrets having done that, since he got his dose ?
17. And finally, Did you ever chat with Anurag Chatterjee thinking he is different from the blogger Anurag ?
P.S : Even after having done all that I would call myself normal.How normal are you ?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
A few days ago I came to know about something that I did, which probably would be the last thing on the earth I would do. Makes sense ? No ? Well I heard a rumor about myself. A drunk friend told me something that he had never told me before, but obvious. My reaction to the news was like this :O :O :O :O. Why why why would she say that ? I mean I would rather prefer to Jump off my own ass and die instead of doing anything remotely close with her or to her.
Then I realized ok, lets not overreact, after all it was a rumor and I don’t care. But two very important things which I should now know are:
1) Girls Brag probably more than guys.
2) Rumors about yourself either make you laugh or Piss you off. However in my case both happened. I was pissed off but then I managed to laugh too.
Now I realize that film stars, sportsmen are human beings too and we should respect their emotions. Poor guys, but yeah again I am not sorry for my Jokes on any Bai-sexual Ahuja.
So all of you reading this post please do share your RUMOURABLE moments, your one such incident may help a poor-rumor-affected-pissed-off-normal-boy, to gain serenity and sanity of his mind back.
I am sorry for not commenting and not posting recently, but I am suffering (still) from Writer’s block. It’s been so bad that I decided not to blog anymore in fact, if recently you have pinged me and I haven’t replied then just think that I was searching for the ‘HI’ word.
Oh, Btw today is Joie de vivre’s a.k.a Neha’s b’day ..so do wish her in case you know her and do wish her in case you don’t know her.Yes a compulsion !
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
it's all exploding, emotions corroding, People nodding,
It's all Slow lyka program loading,
complex lyka digital & binary coding,
I made a winzip rant, like someone unzip your pant,
this rhapsody will blow, lyk I.E 8.0
laughters, slaughters, innocence half there.
Luminescence, at the other side of the fence, no offense
but this z oh-so-dense, I sense, take back your non-sense
Go dance, enhance your moves, you prove, till u get it,
f'rget it, I hate it, I read it, I said it, I mean it,
I ain't not sardonic, not demonic , not a phony,
I just don't know me, I just don't know me.
I hated the ride, inside the void,
emotion's access denied & I lied that I never cried,
acted like a clown, with lips upside down,
I smiled to hide the pain, else coulda died
I tried, but the soul didn't reside on its own side, inside.
Gimme a pill of donepezil, No please no needle,
Lil I forget, that i cud still perform that drill, man it's no thrill
without that reckless kill, without that acclimation, strangulation,
of mental aberration, freakin hesitation, I learned a new lesson,
for this season, I dun need no more reason, I took my decision,
damn recession, no I ain't no dissing myself, not pissing on u man,
not missing my mind, just kissing the line, just reminiscing the time,
when i cursed nostalgia, I was so fragile ya ! I was so agile ya !
I was so volatile ya! lost within one mile ya ! Gullible I wasn't,
Malleable yeah but then lyka syllable in a word & lyka rolling pebble,
but yeah a rebel, they tagged me, I was on a spree,
for a wee, May be i was being me, now i gotta believe, that
I just don't know me, I just don't know me.
I hated the ride, inside the void,
emotion's access denied & I lied that I never cried,
acted like a clown, with lips upside down
I smiled to hide the pain, else coulda died,
I tried, but the soul didn't reside on its own side, inside.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
But what? Junk food ?
Ah ! I have vomited a few times after having it. I don't want to experience it again, I still have the last time's horrible experience imprinted in my neurons. But who cares? let's have a burger. He thought as he walked all sweaty and hungry plugged and lost in the numbers of his own world.
owww here comes the famous bakery, Let's agog the rascal, Appetite! he triumphed. "Gimme one Burger and a coke", he ordered."Sure sir, wait for 5 minutes", bakery guy replied. Ok, I will check out the crowd in between, he thought. He looked around & saw all families, tiny - twinies, a few wannabes and one good looking girl alone, texting on her celphone. Kewl, I should sit next to her table, he smirked.
"Here is your burger, and your coke sir" waiter said intervening his covert inspection."Thank you" came as the reply.
OMG ! what is this ? do i resemble an extinct giant mammoth? Look at the size of the burger. He was apprehensive by now. The girl after gazing for more than 5 mins at her celphone looked up, as waiter came up with her hot dog and coke. She thanked the waiter and looked at the guy. He also looked at her but then came back to 'staring at the burger routine' which he had acquired about a minute ago. Took a sip of coke and looked at her, she looked at me again, he thought. Once, twice, thrice, four times....10 times. Man she is staring at me ! What is her problem? I am not game with it, let it backfire on her,after all she started it, letz stare back. He gazed at her for 3 seconds, she probably realized the intentions and went back to her hot-dog basics. The poker face was minding her business till the time, He did not start eating his elephant size burger.
He took the biggest bite ever, such that his jaws got in to the cranky zone. Damn! it's hot, and now the cheese is coming out, ohh crap ! I got a lil of the sauce on my nose, I look like a clown, wherez the paper tissue? Bastards haven't given any ! Lemme get some , I am sure i will be requiring a dozen of them. He calculated and rushed to the counter to get the paper tissues, hiding his nose. As soon as he came back to his table the girl was laughing. Wow, god couldn't have fixed any incident worse than this to showcase that she is not a pokerface, he sulked. I will get my chance too, let her eat,I am all ready, he waited her to mess up her junk. She gradually unwrapped the hot dog and took a small bite, without making any mistake.
"Ohh snap ! hot-dog obviously has a smaller diameter than the burger, she cannot make any mistake unless she is an alien or someone from somalia.
SMART BITCH." He judged.
He was volatile by now, kept sipping his coke to fill the silence. It had never happened before. I hate anyone watching me when I eat, specially girls. Why did i take a table opposite to her? why the heck they don't make human size burgers? What she would be thinking by now? Ohh crap Still half of the burger is left and it resembles, India's map with so many union territory states lying far from the major states on the either sides. This moment has seized I should go else I will faint or she should go else she will faint coz the way I am eating. Several thoughts ran in his mind. Just to kill the time he plugged himself back to the ipod. ewww ! Kambhqt Ishq songs. Changed the numbers quickly.
He was all set for the second bite and took it, this time it was less disastrous. only a little portion of his cheek was painted this time. The girl, gave him, "It happens" kind of look and he shrugged.
He finished this disastrous damburger and gave, "I suck" kind of weird smile to the girl, and the girl gave him, "I guess you do" kind of smile back, or at least he thought so.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
1. chhota tha dus wali leta tha, ab zara bada hua toh 20 wali le raa hun, aur zara bada hua toh tees wali leta hun, paanch rupaye mein shakkar bhi nai aati, shakkar ko chinti khaati, chinti ko maachar khata, machhar ko zhingur khata, zhingur ko chiplak (lizard) khati, chiplak ko chuha khata, chuha ko billi khati, billi ko kutta khata, hum sher hai, acche acche khane kha liye dakkar nai liye. Aaadha hyderbad baap bolta, kal se tum bhi yahich bolna.
2. Arey tu mazak nakho kar re bhai, mazak toh meri galli ka Razak karta.
3. 9 mahine se zayda amma pet mein nahi rakhi toh inlogaan khaahan se rakhengey boltun.
4. chhota tha ankkhiyaan nikal k ante khelta tha, zara bada hua toh ankhiyan nikal k gotiyan khelta hun, aur zara bada hua toh ankhiyan nikal k chharrey khelta hun. bachpan se anntey, gotiyan,chharey sabhi khel lete yaaron apan. Sale tumhari halat dekho, tumko maare toh inlogan hanstey, mere pe.
5. arey tumko nai malum, apan duniya k pappa hain, sale galiyon mein ghusney nahi detun, khali pahadaaan bataye toh. Sale yeh cheap category k local basti k secret logan hain. Chindi choran hain.
6. Hum Shanwaz hain, koi laundey pottey nahi hai, koi rumal nai hain jo haath poch k pocket mein daal liye.
7. Arey tu laaal wali Mercedez bhijaa nahko re baba, tu safed wali bhija re, mereko kaaamaan (work) hain bahut kaamman hain.
8. Kal Krishna-Oberoi mein party thi, party mein jaatey he, samney se mallika mili, Murder yaaaaron, ....tabhi logaaan mereko dekh k bole, inhe angreezi filmon ka hero dikh ra nai?
9. Sale 25 saal se Chaarminar mein baitha hua hun, apni bhi izzat hai yaaron, logaan salam thok k jaatey, yeh sale angrezaan haath lagatey re mereko, Maa ki kirkiri.
10. Salman khan, Amir Khan, Sharukh Khan, Ayub Khan, Sanjay khan, Arbaaz Khan, Sohail Khan, Saif ali Khan sab logan humko Pyaar se Emraan Haashmi boltey, mere saath wale Pilot ko John boltey tereko kya boltey bol ?
boltun- I say
Chindi choran- Cheap thug
Maa ki kirkiri- A slang
P.S : The Picture is not a google image, I took it one morning ;)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Hyderbad has the most number of beggars in India, and no I am not kidding. A survey result came up with this and I had read this news a year ago in T.O.I. Now, after that news I am pretty much sure that a few other aspiring souls forwarded their resume to 'The beggar association' and have successfully been recruited. The reason why I am saying this is because now every 3rd non-working person is either a 'beggar' or an 'engineer' or 'both' in hyderabad, it seems. The figures have increased drastically and dynamically within a year. Damn Recession !
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Junior: Yes Sir.
Senior: Don't you know how to wish your seniors ?
Junior: Hello sir.
Senior: Dude, I am not your friend, give a technical wish and bend or you can salute, and btw where is your dress code and why the hell you did not get your fresher’s cut hair style yet.
Junior: G G..Good morning sir! I don't know the dress code and I don't know what's Fresher’s cut.
Senior: wear formal shirts with collar button closed and third button from the top should be open. Don't dare to fold the sleeves, wear broad Formal pants, wear bathroom chappals and no celphones or watches allowed and fresher’s cut is a kinda military cut, every damn saloon knows about it. Get everything done and come to room number 308 by 9 P.M Sharp. We will have introduction.
Junior : OK sir.
This is a general first day conversation between a junior and a senior in an Engg/medical college. With the new sessions getting started, I recall my good old ragging days. It was fun to get ragged, and it was even more fun to take the revenge. I even ragged my own batch mates. Well some of them used to wish me all the time, thinking that I am their senior, So I obviously took the advantage of that. I learned a lot from my own ragging so, implemented and experimented all the fundas on my juniors (yes, girls too). I was obviously hated by the juniors because of that but I don't have any regrets as I never liked most of my juniors. Maximum of them were stupid, outlandish and arrogant or may be It's every senior's mentality.
"All the Seniors think that their university is going to kids"
Ok now back to the point, Ragging is an art, first of all it's called introduction. We did not violate 1956 act by A.P government under which Ragging is a crime. So under introduction we have several subtle categories and ways of knowing a person. It's important to know If a junior can:
1. Mimic a dog/cat/monkey/pig.
2. Pretend that he is driving a bike and take a whole round of the college with a girl at his back seat and the 'vrooom' sound coming out of their mouth.
3. If he can pass the 50 Paisa coin from his mouth to his friend’s mouth.
4. If he can Kick Warden's Door at 12 in the night.
5. If he can do a snake dance in front of the whole batch or can tell who is the tota/maal in his batch and get free comments/kicks.
6. If he can give his/her introduction in pure Hindi, Yes you should know that Computer Science is called 'Abhikalan Vigyan'.
7. If he can utter at least 10 hard core gaalis (Kaminey, saley,kuttey, harami are nowhere in the league)
8. If he/she can read out loud the barking tables ,e.g, 'voww x 1= voww', 'voww x 2 = voww voww' so on ......
9. If he or she can give answer some tricky questions such as "define SEXY" and the if he answers "Sexy is something you want to have sex with" he is not an engg for sure. The answer is 'SEXY' sounds like 'SEC C' so d/dx Sec C = sec C.tan C.
10. Similarly ‘1/tanX’ is ‘cot X’ and I won't describe how that sounds like.
11. If he can write down his branch's name using his ass as a pen and dragging that on the floor, even short forms workout like Electronics and communication would be ECE or computer science would be CS but bechare Biotechnology wale :(
Rigorous introduction has scores(thappad) involved and to deserve that, you need not do anything, it just comes your way at anytime. Then you should know that senior guys are your technical 'Baaps' and senior girls are your technical 'moms'. 3rd and 4th year guys are super seniors and faculties are *****. There are a lot of technical and biological things one should know about.
If you happen to be someone who has never given/done any rag-duction I Pity you.
If you are one of those who are about to explore the college life (especially engg or medical) best of luck.
If you are a senior, then do it on my behalf ..pleaseee.
If you are a pass out like me then just read this post and comment.
Friday, July 17, 2009
No offense to anyone who loves PDAs, and by that i mean no offense to Nidhi, coz shez the only person I know, who accepts that she loves it and I don't give a tiny Rat's ass (okaieee, so god i hv started to sound like ROSS, Damn again!) to other concerned people reading this post. If you are one such kind, you have all the liberties and statues, rights and wrongs in the world to paint a picture about my character OR you can save your time by typing as "nice blog", "LOL" ,"nice post", "hehe" and similar-other-non-acceptable-disgusting-diabolical- comments, which i ignore, like I ignore vodafone's computerized calls. But the best option for the frowned-up souls would be to write down long anonymous comments, which again i would delete if I find it offensive. Now that's called a win-win situation.
The PDAs I hate the most are these (don't tell me, that i missed alpha,beta, gamma types):
THE FRENCHISTAAN PDAs : It has nothing to do with the French-Fries but it has everything to do with the French Kissing. The hands, while the process is going on, traverse all the way, that I would say, starts from France, passes and presses the frozen gulf of Finland and lands in Andaman and nicobar. It's a normal 'bio' and 'logical' process inside a room but in the open places, It sucks or may be I am a narrow minded guy. But at least I won't bake such kind of cookies , I swear by geeta, seeta or any margarita.
THE DO(N)'T-NET PDAs : These are the online PDAs, in which one party is a PDA-holic and the other party tries not to get affected even if he/she is embarrassed, coz he/she doesn't want to complain. So obviously keeps mum and instead of returning a whole "I love you" package, just makes random smileys or types either of the words in extreme circumstances as "Love XYZ" or "Yours XYZ".
THE DO(UGH)-NET PDAs: Now this one is the worst of all, and occupies all the positions in my list of 'thumbs down' from 1-10. I hate Blog world posts, dedicated to one's lover and surprisingly the name is mentioned and the lover comments back with even a bigger post or a comment. IMFAO, if the two souls are so desperately in love they aren not required to announce it to the world. Some flaunt, some want fame, some are attention seekers and some are just average sort of retards. The trend continues not only in blogging world it is on every damn networking site. I feel sorry for those who take it seriously, and by that i mean a lot of girls and a few guys. Guys doing such activities are perverts, at least 95% of them are. I have no hesitation in uttering the truth.
When I see tag lines like "I am here lonely without you honey" or "Baby my heart broke, fix it" or "I would love you even if stars don't approve" . I just feel like putting my hand in his profile, through the screen of my Samsung Syncmaster and taking his tongue out of his mouth and wrapping it around his neck so tightly that he dies getting choked. I mean why does he have to sound like he is the only Romeo the world has ever seen. When the fact is that he will drop her, like he drops his underwear every morning, if he gets a girl with a better figure.
PDAs Suck Or may be all Gemini guys aren't comfortable with it.
P.S: That's all from my side and I am sure that if you read between the lines, you have a lot to say too.